Tuesday 15 March 2011

Nothing to fear


The night seems long, the earthquakes and aftershocks continue. Outside in the dark a pheasant shrieks, and I rise in my bed, alert and waiting. A low rumble begins, the windows begin to rattle. I jump out of bed, ready to get the children outside if the need arises. The shuddering peaks and subsides in visceral waves and the night returns to silence. I return to my bed for the, I don't know how many times, and close my eyes in pursuit of sleep. I rise with the sun this morning, there is much to do.

The primary school will resume today, so I get Rohan and Canaan up, get them breakfast cereal and cook a large pot of rice. The last few days have been spent cleaning up. First on the agenda is patching the roof before it rains. I spent all of yesterday patching the roof, first removing the broken sections, then re-laying them with recycled clay in place of the original adobe. We tied tar paper over one section as a stop gap measure (literally!) and I managed to get one and a third maybe of the remaining patched before dark. We have been leasing this house for the last 11 years, the land lord lives south of Tokyo and is unaffected by the quake. We managed to contact her on Sunday. She was not insured. "You should have bought the place," she says blithely, "then you could have insured it yourself. Do you want to buy it now?" Sometimes, even I despair. There will be no help from there. What needs to be done, I will do myself, for my family's sake. We cleaned up the bathroom as much as we could, but it will need to be completely rebuilt. We put boards on the floor so the kids won't cut their feet on the broken tiles, and squat them in the bottom of the bath, avoiding the shattered walls, bathe them with buckets of warm water from the wood stove and get them out and dry before the cold wind through the broken walls can chill them. Around us the community rallies, helping each other as best they can, striving to return to normalcy. So today I walk the children to school at 7:15. I wave them a cheerful farewell at the school gate, turn my back and walk away, my heart in my throat, tears in my eyes. They need to return to school, I tell myself, they need to be with their friends. They need me to be strong. I breathe deeply as I cross the rail line, walk past houses with tarpaulins on the roof, greet neighbours walking their dogs.





When I arrive home, Mika and Sora are on the front porch. A family of pheasants is in the front yard, the male dancing a mating ritual, spreading his tail feathers, strutting his stuff. We watch for a while, the lustrous blue of the male, the tawny brown of the hen, the green of the bamboo. Life goes on. We go inside and leave them in peace.
I decide to check the email before I start on the roof, while I have a cup of coffee. Mika turns on the TV. The stock market report is on, Japanese stocks have fallen. I wonder that the world is still full of people whose prime concern is profit margins. It is 8:30. My friend from Nagano emailed me last night. He studied nuclear physics at Oxford. "Evacuate!" he says, "If the third reactor explodes there'll be massive fallout. Come to Nagano and stay with us. If you hurry, you can get here while the roads are still clear!" I turn to the television news, the third reactor explodes before my eyes. I meet Mika's terrified face. The explosion happened 2 hours ago! The news has just come up! The Nuclear Power Plant is 110 km from us, there is still time. I run outside and get in the car, rush to the school and park in the playground. The children are gathering in the gym. Rohans teacher is there. I explain the situation, Canaans teacher joins us, I tell them that I am taking my boys and staying indoors for the moment, but that we may evacuate. They call the boys, who then rush to gather their things. While I wait for them, I see the principal and explain to him also. The boys are ready, I drive them home.


The TV says "Within 20 km of the nuclear site, stay indoors, seal all windows, do not use air conditioners or exhaust fans....." The weather man says " A strong wind is blowing to the south, south west...it will rain this afternoon....it will snow tomorrow..." I look at our broken windows, the damaged roof, the gaping holes in the bathroom and studio....what if the fallout reaches here? How can I protect my family? It is not our house, home though it may be, and the land lord doesn't care.... Mika's brother has phoned, "Come home to Gunma, it's safe from the fallout here!" he says. We check the maps. Mika's family live in Minakami, my friends are in Komoro. Which is better? Minakami is 200km from the power plant, Komoro is 255km, both are on the other side of the mountains, but family.....they have food and spring water, plenty of space, and it is familiar ground. We choose home. We phone our neighbours who have children with ours at school, tell them we are evacuating, ask if they will come...but their family is all here, they choose to stay. I pray that they are right. I hope that we are wrong. At 11:00 the prime minister and minister for internal affairs give a press conference. They are evacuating everyone with 20km of the reactors, everyone between 20 and 30km should stay indoors. Packing bare essentials into the car we grab some lunch, make rice balls for the journey and leave. I drive away from Mashiko, from Ichikai, with fear and sorrow. I cannot save them, I can only save my family. I hope it not too late. On the way through Utsunomiya we see factories devastated by the earthquake, home centres and shopping centres, facades collapsed and debris still scattered in the car park. The road has cracks and fissures that shock the car as we drive over them, unaware until we feel the jolt. There are people on house rooves trying to effect repairs. Debris still lines many streets. We stop at a bank and withdraw some cash. The left hand lane is traffic jammed for 2km, but the right hand lane is clear. I realise that it is a queue for a petrol station. There is no petrol. Luckily I filled the tank the day before the earthquake!

We take the highway towards Nikko, the traffic is sparse, and gaps and fissures in the road have been freshly patch with asphalt. The children scream with excitement as we see a wild boar foraging on the side of the road. Life goes on. We leave the highway at Kiyotaki, stopping at a convenience store for some supplies and, well, convenience. "How was the earthquake here?" we ask.


"About 5, things fell off some shelves, but we were OK." they say.


"Mashiko was 6.6. Take care." We bid them farewell.


The Road to Gunma takes us through Ashio. The Mountains are steep on each side, barren for the most part. There were copper mines here for centuries, and the mountains have been raped. In recent years there has been a national effort to reforest these mountains. Last spring I came here with Sora and her class mates to plant 124 trees. Slowly the forest is returning.


We stop at a small unmanned railway station for a bladder break, and in the car park the first daffodils are blooming. I pick one for Mika. We drive on.


It is moving towards dusk as we drive through Mizunuma, and the traffic light are all off due to the rolling blackouts. The plums trees in the school playground are in full bloom. Life goes on.


We turn onto route 62, patches of snow at the sides of the road. The misty rain blurs the windscreen. Barren trees stand like dark sentinels on the snowy ground. There are no cars, except for us. We have driven through many tunnels through the mountains, half fearful for earthquakes, half grateful for shelter from possible fallout. The clouded drizzling night is black now, save for the pools of light from our headlights.


As the road twists out of a ravine we see the lights of Numata below us. We are through the mountains, we are in Gunma, we are safe. Relief rises in my chest. Not far now, not far now. We turn onto route 17, one more turn and we'll be there. Almost there. It is 7:00pm as we pull into the drive way. Mikas mum is waiting for us with hot soup and noodles. There is a shower waiting for us, a warm bed, a safe roof, secure shutters to keep out the invisible fallout. The wind from Fukushima does not blow here. I do not know what will happen tomorrow, we seem to have survived today. I do not know if this was the right course of action, or if I am a fool. The next few days will tell. I only know that I must protect my family. Earthquakes, tidal waves, these are acts of nature. We can see them, we can build our homes on higher ground, build them sturdier, we can learn. But I cannot protect against an invisible poison that floats on the breeze from four burning nuclear reactors. Man has done this, for power, for profit. I cannot protect my loved ones from a deadly nothing that irresponsible humans have unleashed, bottled in concrete vessels on the beach in an earthquake zone. I cannot defend against this lethal nothing, and it is the nothing that I fear.


67 comments:

  1. glad to hear that you are safer

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  2. Friends of the Craigs, please see this article too: http://www.theage.com.au/world/expat-artist-is-thinking-of-a-land-without-nuclear-power-20110315-1bvzw.html

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  3. I have been reading your blog over that last couple of days. It's good to get a non-commercial version of what is happening to Japan. Best wishes to you and your family during these terrible times. Stay safe...

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  4. I will pray your family and the ones that were left behind.

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  5. Hang in there, Euan. It sounds like a good move to evacuate. I think you know from the comments on the last blog post that many, many people around the world are thinking of you and your family and the people of Japan. Let us know how we can help.

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  6. You are not at all foolish for taking measures to keep your family safe.
    It is these personal accounts rather than broad news footage that make this very real for all of us around the world.
    Our prayers are with you.

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  7. I'm literally in tears as I read your story. So much devastation, homes and towns suddenly destroyed in the blink of an eye. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and I will pray for your safety. Stay safe.

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  8. I am speechless and grateful for your story. The pictures and videos we see on the web, and on the news are absolutely heart-breaking... the magnitude of the destruction and suffering. It may take a while, but I know that you all will come back strong. I'm sure I speak for everyone I know here in the United States when I say we are deeply saddened by what has happened, and wish you brighter days in the coming months.

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  9. What can I say Euan, once again reading your post is horrifying and heart breaking. Thank you for sharing though so we here have some idea of the situation you are in. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and everyone else who is affected there.

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  10. Wow...it's hard to know what to think or say about what you are all going through. It is fortunate that you are able to move your family to a safer place. ....your landlord sounds harsh. I'm glad you are sharing your personal events. Radio gives us the general news...your report of how this is touching the lives of fellow potters grabs my interest. The next time you see George Guine, tell him a old friend from North Carolina is asking about him and his family. I hope you will all be safe from harm, and back to a normal life soon.

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  11. Euan, my brave friend, you have definitely done the RIGHT thing. How could you stay, your family is the most important thing in all the world. I am devastated that your wonderful life has been shattered but I pray only for a short while. We can now all rest our worried heads. You are SAFE! Thank God! Maybe now you will have some time to write that book......we send our love & prayers, keep safe. x x x x x x

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  12. God's love and grace surround you and your family and all of us on planet Earth. I am praying.
    So happy you have made it to safety.

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  13. I hope that you and your family stay safe!

    Scott

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  14. Now matter the outcome, loving and protecting your family is never a wrong choice. Stay safe. Stay strong. You will get through this.

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  15. I agree with you on the nuclear plants. I find them to be made from greed.
    My heart and prayers are with you. I wish there was more we could do but just know you are in our thoughts every day. Stay safe.

    Christy from New York

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  16. My thoughts and prayers will follow you and your family where ever you may go. Know that the hearts of many a world away are with you and care about you.

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  17. I read your blog from Florida, my thoughts and prayers are with you and all of Japan.

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  18. I am so sorry that this has happened to you and the beautiful Japan. May God bless you and keep you and your loved ones safe. I will do what I can to help, and I will pray.
    an artist in Louisiana, US

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  19. It is difficult enough to observe on CNN the devastation and loss of life in Japan; unimaginable to experience it first-hand. My heart goes out to you, your family, your country. Thank you for sharing this with us. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

    A fellow potter from Townsend, MA, USA

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  20. I am glad you have taken your family away. I hope it turns out not to have been necessary so that your friends in Mashiko are safe. But you did what you should have done to protect your family. The news only gets worse each day from the nuclear sites. I can not imagine living through what you have been through and will face in the future. We pray that you have the strength and good fortune to live through this and come out stronger--as we have every reason to believe will be the case because of who you are.

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  21. Is there anything that we can offer you and your family that would assist in this transition? Other than prayers...?

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  22. sad,,,
    I know your thinking, I am a potter has my Anagama also in Kumamoto.
    I pray for Higashi-Nihon.

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  23. You did the right thing getting out of there Euan. Tepco has a less than shining record regarding telling the truth to the public, and the gov't often abets. No way to know the true extent of the problem. Better safe than sorry.

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  24. A brave story my friend. Stay well for you and your family.

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  25. Thank you Euan for sharing your trip with us. Pleased that you are with family, hope you can find peace and rest, while you plan for the immediate future and consider your options for longer term.
    Love to you, Mika and the children.
    Patricia

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  26. Euan, I am a potter in Chicago. Your blog is shared widely in the potting community here-I am so grateful you are taking the time to share this experience, to put a face on this disaster. Your posts are beautifully written. For what it's worth I think it was wise to leave- terribly difficult but now your family is safer. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and wishes for safety.
    Glynnis

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  27. You are so brave..........I hold you and your family in my thoughts.

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  28. Dear Euan, I have been following your blog and articles in magazines for over 10 years. You've been a huge inspiration to me and you still are. I am a potter in Quebec, Canada.
    I would have liked to write to you before and under happier circumstances...I finally write to let you know that all of my thoughts go to you, your family and the japanese people. And I know this might be out of you reality at the moment, but when you're ready to make a new home somewhere someday (in Mashiko or elsewhere), I can organize a small group of potters from Quebec, Canada who will happily come and help you rebuild your Kiln (s). Hey, we can even lay tiles and repair roofs and cabinets! SO, I hope you remember. I meant it.
    In the meantime, I hope you all get some peace of mind surrounded by family.
    courage.
    Carmen Abdallah
    www.ceramiquezalata.blogspot.com

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  29. As I watch NHK at noon your time on Wednesday and see the trouble in reactor 3 and 4 and the unknown status of the other 4 reactors, I am glad you made the decision to get out. Be safe.

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  30. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm in NY and all the worlds eyes are on Japan with sorrow. It's amazing to hear an individual family's story and I think you made a good decision. Wishing you the best...

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  31. Good that you and your family are safe for now. I will think of you and pray for you all. I think you have done all that you can for the moment. Try to stay upwind from the winds that could blow the fallout. Sorry about your kilns also. I pray the worst is over for Japan.

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  32. Eaun,
    I was just recommended to your post by a blogging friend. Of course, I have been following the events occurring in Japan through the media here in the U.S, and my heart breaks for the people in your country. You describe so poignantly what you are going through, and still I can't even begin to imagine how frightening this must be. My thoughts & prayers are with you, your family & all the people of Japan.

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  33. Hey Euan,

    sounds like your gut instinct lead you the right way..sending love from Melbourne, Australia.
    Take care

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  34. Praying you and your family are safe - thank you for your amazing story. It helps us on the outside understand a bit more what is happening. Don't know what to say except everyone is watching and hoping this doesn't degenerate even more and sending love to your family and everyone in Japan. Stay strong.

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  35. My family and I are happy you are all ok. Yes it's sad to see the damage caused. Regards David, Southern Grampians Australia.

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  36. I am a potter living in Jerusalem, Israel and I came by your site through a pottery link. May God bless and keep you and your family safe along with the Japanese people. Wishig you strength and unity through this tribulation
    leyla shemesh

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  37. You are in our thoughts and prayers every day. I think of my little one an what I would do if faced with the decisions you are faced with. Such strength. Stay safe my friend. Melbourne Australia

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  38. Hi Euan I'm very glad to hear that you have evacuated and that you are all still safe.
    My thought are with you, if I can do anything practical for you and Mika, or for the children, please let me know.
    BTW, The Leach pottery have started an appeal for help for Mashiko.

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  39. Mika, Euan, Sora, Canaan, Rohan and Sean,

    You are all still in our thoughts as your lives are turned inside-out by last Friday's massive earthquake & the not-so-natural consequence of man-made atom tweaking. We're so sorry to hear that you've had to leave Mashiko but after hearing about the radiation leaks it's best to have taken your children further away and to be with family. It must be so hard to leave Mashiko at times like these and we feel for you guys.
    It's so difficult to listen to the news right now and know there's not a lot we can to help anyone else who can't or won't move further away from the fallout zones. Glad you all are safe.
    Renee & David

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  40. Vous avez pris une sage décision,soyez vigilants et courageux. En France,nous pensons a vous
    Take care

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  41. I understand the difficulty of the decisions you are making. On Guam we are watching the weather and prevailing winds carefully and anxiously. We are not so far away, the fallout could reach this far, and we have nowhere else to go. If it happens, the only thing I can think of to do is try and get an airline ticket out to the California where my son lives, or Arizona to my father's house.
    I have been praying for the safety of you and your family since the first quake, and will continue to.

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  42. moving your family to safety was absolutely the right decision. There is nothing more precious in this world. Be safe, and know that we are all praying for your continued safety.

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  43. You made the right choice. Many potters in USA and UK are organize aid, an auction of pots donated by potters in the US and funds are being raised by "The Leach pottery" in UK.
    I am french, in France there is "Le secours populaire" you and your family are in my thoughts.
    Tenez bon !!!

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  44. May you go from strength to strength.

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  45. Our thoughts and prayers are with you -we watch the news reports feeling helpless. As difficult of a decision as it was to leave your home and friends -family can help support your family emotionally and physically. Alaska has sent support to our sister cities in Japan -peace be with you.

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  46. You did the right thing you and your family are safe- know that our hearts are with you.
    Thank you so much for sharing with us and letting us know how you are.
    Peace in your heart and hug your family tightly.
    M

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  47. Thank you for keeping yourselves safe! My heart goes out to Japan. We are holding our breath and hoping for the best. Be safe and warm.

    Brooke
    Alaska

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  48. I came upon your blog through a friend's post on Facebook. I cannot imagine what you are going through, the courage it takes and the strength. I am sending you and your family good thoughts and prayers. Be safe and know that we are wishing for you all the best that can come of this. Susan Hershey, Rockport, MA, USA

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  49. I read your blog through my nephew Steven's facebook page. I am without words for what you have gone through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. If there is a way to help please let me know. Please stay safe and God bless you. Lisa Melon, Manasquan, NJ, USA

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  50. I'm so glad that you and your family are as fortunate as you are. Thank you for taking the time to write. I read your blog regularly and have been thinking of you this past week.
    -Eric

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  51. From boring Bendigo.
    I thought the drought and floods of late were a trial, but in comparison I'm so glad to be suffering them.
    An invisible menace that is radiation must bring fear to every cell of ones being.
    Your family need you to look out for them, and in turn the warmth of family will look after you.
    It was absolutely the right decision to go South to family with a near normal environment, if for nothing less than to give comfort and stability to you, your wife and children.
    When I see this constant escalation on the news channels I thank you for giving some personal understanding to it.
    It seems a constant in the news these days. Earthquakes in NZ, fighting in the Middle East, It unfortunately goes on and on. And on the whole, I've become immune to it. And there is something wrong in that.
    Take care,
    Andrew.

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  52. my heart was in my throat as i read this post, euan. i am so glad that you evacuated--you can't be too safe when it comes to your family. when the time comes, please let us know what we can do to help.

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  53. I am here on the other side of the world, safe, and reading your stories of the times you and your family are experiencing, and my heart is in my throat with each word you have written. Your blog is our connection to someone and to things that are real in Japan, and I thank you for taking the time to document your experiences. You made the right decision, and you are right; the family needs your wise leadership. The things are replaceable, your loved ones not. Peace be with you and may your life return to something more normal soon.

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  54. Thank you for taking the time to share this with the rest of the world. I think so many of us want to know what really is happening with real people. Having spent some time in Japan and seeing how wonderful the people are, this means so much. You have definitely done the right thing. Be with family, be safe and know that so many people around the world are sending positive thoughts and help. Wishing you and your family the best, and to all of the people in Japan, I wish I could do something immediate.

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  55. Thank you for sharing this with the rest of the world. I think so many of us want to know more than what he news is showing us. Having been to Japan several times, I love the culture and the people,I admire and respect and wish the rest of the world was somewhat similar. You have done the right thing in my opinion, be with your family, be safe and know that people around the world are sending positibve thoughts and help. I only wish there was something immediate that I could do to help.

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  56. So good to hear that you and your family have moved to safer ground. We keep you in our prayers here.

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  57. Thank you Euan, for writing and telling us what has happened with you. Never doubt that you did right in evacuating your family. Things can be replaced, your good wife, and your children never can. Even should the brave folks working to shut down the plant saves Fukushima, you've saved your family.

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  58. I heard you speaking this morning on the ABC radio here in Melbourne. As a wife & parent I felt your emotion & fear over the radio waves for your wife & children, so pleased to hear that you have a safe haven with your wife's family. My BIL & his family lived in Tokyo for 10 years and they have only returned to Melbourne in the last 18 mths, we are so relieved they are here in Australia. I hope that you & your family stay safe & that in the near future you may be able to return to your home. My thoughts are with the people of Japan that are enduring so much.

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  59. jenny of templestowe17 March 2011 at 14:57

    after reading about you and your family in wednesday's THE AGE, then hearing you on 774 melbourne with jon faine ,i had to write and wish and hope that you,your wife and the children come through this trying time.i thought the 2009 bushfires were bad,and they were ,however not much compares to what happened to japan this week. my mother in law has a cousin in Izumi-ku,Sendai who like you fell in love a woman, Kaoru and has 3 girls .they are all well and their home is sound. out my window the sky is melbourne grey and the trees are a green that has not been seen for long time.but i love what i have which is my family .The family is a powerful thing so keep it safe.

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  60. Euan san, glad to hear you and your family are safe. Can't imagine what you must be going through in such a davastating situation. Be safe. Thinking of you and all people in Japan. xm

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  61. This is a very moving account of your family's experience. Thank you for writing this. Many of us here in St Ives are thinking of you and ways we can help Mashiko.

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  62. I too study ceramics at LaTrobe Bendigo, I too have a son in Japan who we are desperately trying to get home to the secure arms of his family. The media is frustrating, the unknown is scary. Does he wait on a mountain away from the destruction until his departure date in 12 days or make his way south into dangerous territory to maybe get on an earlier flight.
    I hope writing your blog helps you get feelings out, I applaud you for taking your family to safer ground and I pray this nightmare ends soon. x

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  63. I am so happy you and your family are now safe and was so moved by your brilliant account.
    My heart and prayers are with the peoples of Japan. Please stay safe and I hope the nightmare will soon end and you can all start rebuilding and healing.

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  64. Through another potter over here in the states I have been reading your and your family's story. Keep safe.

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  65. My prayers are with you and your family and all those left devastated by this disaster.

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  66. Hi again Euan,
    What a harrowing and REAL account of a personal situation - you write beautifully. I can only imagine the pain and fear of grabbing the kids from school and evacuating your home with few posessions. You have been incredibly strong for your family - hope you also have someone to support you.

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  67. Euan, sharing your story with my family brings the situation so close to our hearts and minds. Please know that so many around the world are with you all in thoughts and prayers. Let us know how we may help. Friends from NYC.

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